Help! oh help. I recently won a contest and I fear my very dirty secret is about to come out. You see I dont have a cock in real life and I have lied about it . I didnt loose it in a nasty freak accident, the truth is I was born a woman. I decided that I would rather be a man in sl and scam a few contests along the way, make a laugh of a few dumb broads who watched me slide and up down a pole, while stuffing lindens in my thong (not Lindens the people, you know the money). I soon got busted on my last account and came to be a new person. I couldnt help myself this time either though and I started the whole thing over again. Entering male modeling contests and stripping. This latest contest I won though was a biggy and now all the skeletons from my past and people who hate me for scamming them, with my fake masculinity want my head on a pole. what should I do? skeered stiff (get it, stiff)
Dear Stiff,
Skeletons from the past coming to haunt you about a bone that doesn't exist. I couldn't have put it better myself. There's a poem that I learned as a child that explains life fairly well, and I'd like to share it with you now: You can run from love,you can run from war,you can run from a cop on the beat;you can run from danger,you can run from a stranger,but you can't run away from your feet (or in your case, your vagina).
HONEY! Everyone knows I'm really a man trying to be a woman, and you know what? I use that to make something special. And if you didn't know I was a drag queen, suprise! I'm a boy pretending to be a girl, the opposite of what you're claiming. Sir...Madam...whatever you are today, when I get ready to go out and do my schtick I have to take duct tape and tape back my genitals so that I'm a more convincing twat. But no matter how big of a c*nt I am, and I've been known to be a big one (!), I'm still a boy, and people know that.
The only difference between you and me is that I've been up front with people that I'm lying to them for the purpose of getting them a laugh or two. So in a way, I suppose I should congratulate you for being as convincing as you claim to have been! Usually I can smell pundata through a computer moniter with great ease; I suspect that people accept the lie sometimes for what they thing they'll gain.
In this case, your skeletons made up for your lack of bone...and by the by, everyone in SL knows the truth....which begs the question...why is it any different than me, or Jane claiming to be Joe married to Clare who'se really Clark? The difference is when you accept to enter the public life, you give up certain freedoms we all take for granted. If you didn't know it then, SUPRISE honey. That's part of being a responsible man. Oh wait! This is a virtual world, and you're just another mister in it. If you're going to be a real man, then own the lie. You'll find it looses the power that hangs over you like a late period. JESUS if these issues get any more serious I'm going to have to write to the public for someone interested in mixing drag queen sallad! Of course if all else fails? Stick your thumb in your mouth and blow really hard. Maybe things just haven't dropped yet and only need a little encouragement.
Dear Fanny,
