SL MEN THE THING WE LOVE TO HATE
I decided to do a fun questionnaire with almost 50 sl girls at various times in a bid to inspire me about what I hated about sl. I picked the girls because when I began thinking about what I hated, men always seemed to be in the equation somewhere. With a little help and inspiration from the girls heres the top ten things we hate about sl men.
1. Lets say perhaps your new sl husband went to a girls house, went to her bedroom and got on the resolution balls that have been rezzed against the wall. Let’s say he’s totally wasted in real life and passes out at his keyboard. He’s not a very clever man and has left MAP on, so it’s inevitable that when you log in you find him. I don’t know what possess men to wander into random females bedrooms and jump on resolution balls, but after interviewing about 50 girls in conferences throughout the week, it seems that no matter what the scenario, the boys seem to be programmed to say the same thing.......
“I was helping my friend set up the pose balls; I swear it’s not what it looks like”
It’s not the lie we hate or even being on the pose balls because boys will be boys and its ok for them to think we are dumb sometimes. It’s when we call up the “friends”, who are female and they lie for him. We totally hate your guts girls.
I have been in sl a long time. I have found myself in some of the funniest, yet tragic scenarios. Nothing baffles me more, than trying to imagine why women would lie and risk their rep, for a man who is obviously a dirt bag.
2. Men who I have chosen to dump and mute, listen up. Calling Rawly, asking him to ask me to be reasonable I suppose is OK, if your totally innocent. It shows you have a respect for my friends and have subconsciously acknowledged that he comes higher than you in my priority list.(If you didn’t in fact work that bit out when you typed to him, your dumb as f***)
What I do hate though, is when you don’t explain to him during the pleading, why your muted in the first place. I hate that you insult his intelligence.
I don’t mute on a whim, I like to be heard and I like to have the last word. Rawly has known me for over two and a half years and he knows how I do my thang. You can bet your Slife that if you have annoyed me enough to be on my mute list, he will know why you’re on it and probably before you realised you were on it. Basically it’s like this, if he doesn’t ask you what happened, he knows what happened.
3. Men who are “with” someone in sl, that call me up to hit on me, ask me on a date or ask me to partner their alt. /me rolls eyes.....Asking me to “partner” your alt is not and never will be a cool thing to say.
4. Men who refuse to wear good footwear. I have been on this now for 2 years and still lots of men aren’t getting it. Two years ago if you were in sl you had an excuse, but not now. Girls don’t care about your cock, you will look stupid as f*** no matter what one you buy, so just concentrate on the shoes.
5. Modifying your shape to make your upper arm broader than your head, we hate this so much. We will only think that your brain is located in the upper part of your arm. Should you choose to buy yourself the latest in sculpted genitalia, could you please make sure you colour it and not have it longer than the upper half of your leg. Lets try and keep it real guys. This will save you asking us why we have gone quiet when you whip it out. We aren't stunned with arousal, we are in hysterics.
6. Men who send pictures of their RL genitals. Some women might not have experienced this bizarre phenomenon but I have, many times. It usually happens when you’re not expecting and it always stuns me that I am trusted with such delicate pictures. Thanks guys, but the male genitals are not objects of beauty no matter how many times you Photoshop them.
I have no idea why I am picked to be the victim, but I am smart enough to know that not every man in the world has a 10 inch penis. On a few occasions I have asked some of these men to show me their masturbation animation, and they did. I rest my case.
7. Men who aren’t single who hit on us. Ok, there is “flirting” and there is “hitting” and I am experienced enough with both to know the difference. I don’t know, but I always think as he’s typing “omfg, lol hes gonna do this on me one day” and you know what girls, I am right, he will do it on you. If he is married in sl and he’s doing it, don’t go near him with a ten foot prim.
8. Men who use the sl profile as a battering weapon. Been there, done that, it’s so 2007. If you’re going to use your profile to try to annoy an ex, at least do it right. Make it good and follow it through and don’t make a fool of the person your now with.
During my research and conference chats with the girls, this seems the “norm” amongst even the newest of sl men. We also chatted about why men who professed to love and adore us took so long to write nice words on their profile.
I know the answer to this. I have to shamefully admit to not being able to write nice words for people in the past.( Men aren’t the only “Players” in SL) The reason he takes his time or doesn’t do it is because he is chasing someone else and doesn’t want to piss her off. FACT.
9. CTRL-ALT-T. It’s a mandatory check on any date I go on. This will show you what he has in his pants. Edit and you will find out how much he spent pimping out his nether regions as well. Cross check this with his spend on footwear and this will determine if you should actually teleport home. Cheap shoes+ Best cock in sl= /me will be going bye bye
This simple observation will tell you exactly what type of man you’re dealing with. After swinging you around a dance floor on slow dance 7, he will want to take you home. He will most probably have spent a lot of time fixing a vast variety of pose balls in his tacky house. He thinks you’re easy and you are so gonna be up for typing so he can have a wank. That's very blunt, but there is no other way to put it. I say it as I see it.
Should you be up for it, fair play to ya (/ me rolls eyes). If you’re like me and you are a bit twisted, you will find it hysterical so go for it. If not hide your online status and tell him you think your crashing and log out, set home in your preferences and relog. At this point you will have to remove him and mute.
10. Voice Verify. Saying something enough times doesn’t make it so. Just because you got the body and the best sculpted cock money can buy, doesn’t make you male. Just last week I arrived home, to hear a female voice laughing in my house. I live in a house with gay men so imagine my surprise when I found only male avatars.
I am kind of blunt, so I asked openly which one of the men was a woman. I expected someone to raise their hand and say “Me over here!”, but that didn’t happen. Instead, I was told by the woman that she was actually a man, who just sounded like a woman. I hate liars so I wouldn’t let this one drop, I went on and on and on.
I was told in IM by some of my friends that I should let it go, as it was a man and that I was embarrassing him.
Well, it turned out that I needn’t have worried about embarrassing him because he was actually a woman, it came out a few days later.
I have no idea how the guys I lived with didn’t catch that on, but we had a good laugh at it. By all means girls if you want to be a man in sl that is fine, just don’t pretend to be a man to hit on women (like Shorne Destiny does) and then come out and tell the woman your with that you are female and expect her to be happy about it.
BTW Natalie would like to state for the record, that she has never been duped by the aforementioned woman, in the last bit of this column. Although she has heard plenty of stories about those who have. Should you want to argue about it, feel free to step into the ring with me anytime.
I would like to thank all the girls who helped with this column and I hope it will make a difference to the men in sl who read this...although we all know it wont.
Lots of Love
Natalie xx
